What’s Wrong With Simple?

As I continue to refine the work that I have been doing with individuals and group, regarding becoming more effective in the areas of their lives they deem most important, I offer simplicity. 

What’s interesting about most people, in my observation, is that when solutions are simple and obvious, they seem skeptical and reluctant to initiate them. 

When a simple solution is offered as a complicated sequence of delineated steps, people will determine it is an effective solution, but they know they will not execute it..They say..”it’s just too complicated”….”I’m looking for a short cut.”  

So the “simple thing probably doesn’t work, and the complicated practice is too much to do, I’d rather numb myself, and forget about it.”  How’s that for a way of life?

In his book, The State of PerfectionDr. Joseph Riggio chastises a workshop participant for complaining, on the last day, about not getting what he expected. In the first evening session Dr. Riggio was very explicit with the group in regard to stating and holding a clear intention regarding what they wanted from the weekend.  He points out to the plaintiff, most people start without a clear intention, and “wait to be disappointed” before they know they didn’t get what they want.  This is a very ill-formed tactic for getting what you want.  

It’s like going into a restaurant that you think looks nice, maybe you heard something positive about it. When the opportunity comes for you to order, the server offers you a menu and you tell him to bring you whatever the chef wants you to have. Then you complain that you aren’t in the mood for fish as he sets a plate of beautifully prepared red snapper in front of you.

Cat with a hot dog

It’s not your fault. It’s the way you were trained.
It’s the way your brain needed to set you up so you could survive as a helpless little child in a world of deranged giants.

From the time you made your debut in the world, you were given things to stop you from complaining. Your caregivers addressed the needs of the……. “infant you” ………in relation to the amount, and frequency (read that any way you want) of noise being made. Initially, in the form of crying. By the time you begin to verbalize, you’re pretty well conditioned to know that if you can’t get what you want by asking, you have a better shot at it by crying, or acting in ways that are objectionable to your caregivers. Then it becomes not about finding out what you want, as much as it is about offering stuff to keep you from complaining. Some of it being painful and threatening. It’s a flawed strategy. It’s a perfect formula for addiction BTW.

Once you’ve been socialized, which means “wanting what your givers are controlling you with”………..you share, wait your turn……………wait for others to tell you or show you what’s expected of you, and what to want……you’ve already learned to “wait, to be disappointed.”  When you are sad a lot, because you get disappointed a lot, because you’ve been waiting for the universe to read your mind and present you with experiences that delight you. You start acting out as an adolescent, or adult, in self-destructive ways……. the prescription is generally pharmaceutical, and/or therapeutic.  

If you go to Amazon.com, and query “what people want?” you’ll come up with almost a half a million responses.  

IMO, it’s actually a low number.  My experience has been that there are as many real responses as there are people walking the planet.

When I ask, “what do you want,” I’m addressing you, and only you, and I haven’t met a single person who responded exactly the same as anyone else, and I’ve asked a lot of people. Even when people answer by telling me what they don’t want, they tell me what they want first. They have been exquisitely taught to interrupt and delete the positive response, and go right to the the experience that is not that.

You need to know how to reconnect with what’s been taken away from you.

How many times have you asked yourself….”what do I want?”

How many times has someone who cared about you asked….”what do you want?”

How many different answers have you gotten over the years, and why are many of them fleeting fancies, that come and go with the seasons?

Do you want to finally find “what you want?”

When you connect with “what you want.” you connect with a powerful souce of motivation, wisdom, and satisfaction. From there, decisions…even tough decisions become simple.  

The Power Range: Repatterning Balance in Action Event will absolutely put you in touch with “what you want.” It’s Saturday July 7th, in New York City 10am-4:30 pm  at a very hot tuition for those who can act fast.

You will be amazed as you experience all the BS stories you’ve been carrying around, about what you want, literally disappear.  And then you get to decide what you want to be doing.  It’s the way to become truly masterful, in your own life.  Which by the way, is what most people want, and everyone goes about it, differently.

The thing is, it’s really simple……can you handle it?

Here’s how you sign up

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  1. Joan Goodman
    5 years ago

    Mark, a FABULOUS POSTING! I read the whole thing with great pleasure. I appreciate your wisdom and miss our meetings. Why, indeed, should it be so difficult for us to know what we “want”? I think we have been conditioned to deny it or to deny self-gratification out of false concepts of “selfishness” related to satisfying oneself. If, indeed, we all started from the place of satisfying our deepest needs, they would fall into perspective and take up less and less of our attention. We come to find out that we don’t “need” as much as we “crave” – that we can be satisfied more easily than we realize, and that being outward focused – putting attention on others – can be the most gratifying way to be, because it keeps us in relationship with the world.

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